Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this just has baby written all over it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
how drunk are you?
Several
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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