there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
