I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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