yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
