he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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