just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
