I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
