i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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