You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
