imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
