Can i not drive my cunt home
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I checked into jail on foursquare
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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