i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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