brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
