There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
