I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
