Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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