You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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