Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
