roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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