And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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