last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
