i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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