Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
