there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
