I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
