he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
