i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
