I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
