Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
