Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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