ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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