Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
