I accidentally had phone sex last night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
