I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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