Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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