I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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