how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
