last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had to cum in my sink.
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