Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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