I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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