life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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