Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
