I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
