I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
