you guys were way drunker than both of me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
