when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it hurts more in the daytime
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
