and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
