i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Did I show you my penis last night?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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