He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
