Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You are a genius and a whore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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