dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he shaved USA in his pubs
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize