Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
