HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
