So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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