If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
