Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
