so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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