We're facebook friends in real life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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