To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
