so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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