I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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