They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
