I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
