I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
