I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
