the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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