I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is it because I queefed?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
