did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
