If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Everclear isn't food dammit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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