if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize