we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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