I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
