I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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