I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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