So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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