She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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