how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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