??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
