WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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