So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
