I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
