If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
