So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
