It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
